Posts Tagged Marathon
I have running on the brain.
This is probably not the best thing to be thinking about, as I promised myself that due to last year’s Chilblains, this year, I would take a break from running in the cold. Well, guess what, it’s January and it’s cold, but I want to run! And no, the treadmill just doesn’t cut it for me.
The weather was nice this weekend, so I went for a gorgeous run on the mesa. The only problem is that there were still puddles and a bit of snow coverage.
Anyway, I think that run, combined with two days of skiing prior and one day of wearing my favorite, not-so-comfy boots post-run (But they’re vintage!! How can I say no to them when they stare at me from the closet that way?) was the perfect Chilblains trifecta. Sure enough, my toes are painful, swollen, itchy, red and purple. 😦
It hasn’t stopped me from wanting to run however, it’s just getting me dreaming of warm runs and destination races. And in my daydreaming, I am imagining crossing the finish line on my second marathon. This time sub 4:30.
I’ve been looking, and the Medoc Marathon sounds like a blast. A run through French vineyards with wine and cheese served at water stops? Mais oui, s’il vous plait.
Is anyone else planning a big race for 2014? Has anyone done the Medoc? And most of all, anyone out there a runner with bad circulation and/or Chilblains who has advice that doesn’t involve the treadmill? Merci beaucoup!
A lot has happened since my last real post, so bear with this, cause it’s gonna be all over the map…
The Good – Marathon Training
Last weekend I ran my 20 miles!!! This was my peak goal for training before my marathon. I’m going to do one more long run (16-18 miles…hopefully 18) and one more longish run (12-14 miles) and then that’s it… Marathon time!
The run itself went pretty well. My training buddy came up and we ran all quadrants of my town – a serious whirlwind tour including bike paths, trails, roads, and pit stops at a grocery store and a rec center (did not do good things for our time).
Mile one was hard, but it usually is. My new-found asthma was flaring a bit, despite the inhaler I’d taken before. The asthma went away pretty quickly though. Then I got into a groove and miles 3-12 were breezy. Mile 13, not so hot. Miles 14-16, feelin’ grand. Miles 16-18, the wind started blowing and I was struggling a little. Miles 18-20…REALLY AWFUL (I didn’t want to tell you that, but it’s true). Suddenly, my body started hating me – knees, outer hips, numb toes, and, man-oh-man, the bottom of my feet ACHED.
Not a great note to end on, but at least I did. The marathon’s gonna be tough, but I’m confident I’ll cross the finish line.
On another note…
I had my three month check-up with my rheumatologist.
The Good – No New Damage
My new set of X-rays show no new damage! Hooray! Gotta hand it to all those scary drugs I’m on for keeping more bone erosion and permanent damage at bay!
The Not-So-Good (I know, I said bad in the title, but I don’t want to be that negative)
My general pain and inflammation level is not approving much lately. In fact, I think it’s worse than three months ago. Remember my left wrist? Well the thing doesn’t exactly look or behave normally still… About a month after the cortisone shots, the skin where the rheumatoid nodules had been became rough and colorful (red usually, but sometimes white or purple). One time, my mom even asked me, very concerned, whether I’d burnt myself.
Aside from seemingly scarring my skin, the shots worked pretty well for awhile. Over the last month, my wrist bone seems more and more swollen. Now it’s gotten to the point where I think it’s pressing on my nerve, sending a shooting nerve pain up the left side of my hand at really fun, inopportune moments.
Given the way my skin reacted to the shots, my doc doesn’t want to treat the swelling with another shot. In the end he recommended more methotrexate. That’s right – the drug that’s freaking me out right now because of its connection to interstitial lung disease? More of that.
He did talk to me about MTX and ILD. He assured me that he reviewed my chest X-rays and doesn’t believe that just because I had ILD in the past, I am more likely to get it again. He also said the chances of getting it are very low. It’s reassuring to me that he is aware of the risks and made the call anyway.
He also said he didn’t want to put me on methotrexate-alternative luflumonide because it causes birth defects (as does methotrexate), but takes even longer to leave your system than MTX. Given that I don’t want to give up on having kids someday yet, that reasoning sounded all right to me.
Either way, I’m still trying to get that second opinion. No appointment yet, but I sent the referral in and now I’m waiting to be approved.
The Bad (Sorry, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows…)
My doc says 10-15% of his patients are on a biologic alone and not taking it along with methotrexate. This number is really disappointingly low to me. As is the number of patients in remission who aren’t on drugs (to be honest, I didn’t even ask). I know I should be grateful that there are drugs that help as much as they do. I just don’t want to be on them for the rest of my life. This may sound negative, but I want you to know that I feel pretty good about the research being done on RA and the chances of better treatments and a cure in the (hopefully my) future.
Also disappointing is that rather than decelerating my meds because of my outstanding remission (I wished), I’m upping my methotrexate once again. I’m now up to 10 happy little yellow pills per week. This has made me majorly bummed, which brings me too…
The Ugly – The Weepies are not just a fantastically sad indie band
For whatever reason, my disappointment at being where I’m at a year post-diagnosis is manifesting itself in a major case of the weepies. Luckily, it’s mainly been reserved for my boyfriend, two close friends, acupuncturist, and therapist, but that’s too many people for this girl. The only thing left is to admit it to the blogosphere and hope that by sharing, I can cultivate some of that Kris Carr wisdom and move on with my life.
I know that things aren’t all bad. I’ve made major progress since being diagnosed. I rarely feel stiff in the morning (I think my pain scale may differ from non-RA’ers, but there was a time when mornings meant that non of my toes would bend for an hour…making walking comically difficult.), my energy and GI issues are generally much better, my feet are not nearly as swollen or painful. I’ve become a bit more of a bad-ass because now I can inject myself and know that I’m a hell of a lot more resilient than I knew before. I also am halfway to med school given all the research I’ve done… 😉
But there are these moments, like today when I struggled to zip my right boot up because my hand wasn’t cooperating, when I have trouble seeing the good. There’s like this echo chamber in my mind of negative thoughts that can drown out all logic if I let it.
I for one am not going to be celebrating the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis drowning in negative thoughts and grieving something as dumb as a zipper. I’ll be in Barcelona running a marathon and celebrating how far I’ve come. Thanks to all of you for cheering me on. Wish me luck. 🙂
I went for my second acupuncture appointment a couple of nights ago.
I would love to say that it was an enjoyable, healing, relaxing experience. But, in truth, my heart was racing and blood pressure was high before the needles even came out. I’m not sure why – it wasn’t so bad last time.
So my heart was racing, and I was sweating, and my acupuncturist and an observing student (who I had recently met at a party and who now knows way too much about me – awkward!) were sticking me with needles, and I was talking myself down from a panic attack.
Weirdly, the needles hurt more this time than the first time. I felt each one going in, and some of them felt uncomfortable as they were in my skin.
After the acupuncture, they gave me earnest tips on how to improve my circulation – ginger foot soaks, chi generating hand exercises…
They were well-meaning and those things might actually work, but in that moment I was so overwhelmed. How many things can I try? What other ridiculous suggestions is the world going to throw at me?
So leaving the acupuncturist, I just felt depleted. Every part of me felt heavy and I felt overwhelmed with emotion.No matter how much you do, how many new things you try, how much sleep you get, how kind you are to your joints, how much effort you put into positivity, there’s always one more – one hundred more – things you should be trying.
It was enough to make me want to curl up in a ball under my covers and cry.
The following morning I saw my rheumy. The report was more of the same – I’m improving, I’ll improve more. Things will get better.
I’m due to get X-rays in February and am very curious to see how those will go.
He did say that he’s doesn’t think going down on meds before my marathon (March 17th) is a good idea, which is disappointing, but I understand the reasoning. I don’t want to not be able to do the race, and I don’t want the race to do more damage than good.
I told him about the problems I’ve been having with the Enbrel pen (button not depressing correctly, bruises and welts, etc.) and my wonderful, amazing, patient, kind, God-send of a nurse gifted me four Enbrel syringes to try out. I am about to do my first one (post for tomorrow!) and am so nervous, I’m procrastinating by writing this.
The beauty of the syringe is that you have complete control of when the medication enters you and how fast. The downfall is that you have complete control and you get to see the whole thing. AHHHHHH!!!!!
I’ll let you know how my injection goes…
First of all, I want to say that I love my rheumy. He is always optimistic about my improvements and the possibilities of getting better. As he assured me during our last visit, “You’re probably 80 percent improved since the first time I saw you, but I promise you will get much better from where you are today.”
Hearing him say how far I’ve come is a great reminder to appreciate your victories instead of focusing on what still isn’t perfect. So I had a small celebration for the realization that it’s been more than a month since I’ve had severe morning stiffness – woohoo!
I’ve made progress, but I have a ways to go. It sucks that I was in the middle of a mild flare when I saw him (still am), which is effecting my feet, wrists, energy and digestive system (or is that the meds, ugh). It made it all the more frightening when he said I have to go down to four methotrexate pills per week from six because the results of my liver function panel weren’t good. I just hope that going down on the meds don’t make my symptoms worse.
I asked him if my current flare might be related to the 10K I ran over Memorial Day weekend, to which he replied, “You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what causes what with this disease.” True, and I know that I’m guilty of this.
I explained that pre-diagnosis I was planning on training for a marathon in 2013, so I was worried that running wasn’t good for my body. He encouraged me not to give up that goal, which I love him for. So I guess despite the pain (it usually hurts after, not during running) and fears of making it worse, I’ll keep the goal and see how my training goes.
I also asked him about a weird blood burning sensation I’d had in my arms, especially near my elbows. That one stumped him a bit, but he said it wasn’t a concern unless it was happening frequently. If the symptoms are frequent, one concern is that the Enbrel is causing some sort of neurological side effect (great…). I haven’t had it since then, so I guess I’ll follow the “don’t worry” advice.
One more thing of note, I must of hit a blood vessel or vein giving myself my Enbrel shot last night because it bled, a lot. Eww. Aside from being gross (I’m a total wimp when it comes to these things), it’s fine. It barely even bruised compared to some of my less bloody shots, so go figure.
My takeaway from all this is to try to worry less and really, really try to not let RA rule my life, choices, or mood. Easier said than done, but that’s what I’ll try to do.
EDIT: Just want to add that during my first run after this doctor visit I choked on a bug – it just flew down my throat, gross! And so, another lesson (channel Stewie – What did you learn?): a) don’t run with your mouth open, and b) don’t run at dusk. Let’s hope this isn’t a bad omen for my training, haha.
This post could also be titled, “When Self Delusion Makes You a Dumbass,” because, honestly, why had I not gone to the doctor?
But, there I was, training for a half marathon, my feet occasionally swelling up in pain. Being confused because my “sports injury” would magically switch sides.
Here’s the thing, in November, training for my half marathon, I felt powerful. I felt strong. I was running, doing boot camps, doing yoga, trying acro yoga, writing a book and making progress at work. I was a 28-year-old superwoman, elated that I had hit my stride.
The first weekend in December was the weekend of my half, and I rocked it. I made a decent time and felt great doing it. Afterwards, trudging back to the hotel, my swollen, sore feet were screaming. The half was a sort of turning point for me because I couldn’t just ignore the pain that seemed to flare up anymore. On bad days I started complaining to people who would listen. The general consensus was a torn ligament or a stress fracture. Some weeks it was fine, other times people would ask me why I was limping.
Still, STILL, I didn’t get it checked out. I barely even stopped working out even though I figured maybe a little rest would just heal it.