Posts Tagged methotrexate
I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis or Rheumatoid Autoimmune Disease when I was 29. It’s an awkward age to be told you have a chronic disease.
There was so much I hadn’t yet accomplished. At the time, I was single, struggling to get my business off the ground, training for a marathon, and pushing thoughts of kids and marriage into the future. And then, a diagnosis of RA threw all that up in the air.
I feel like the pieces are still settling, four years later.
I got back together with a long-term boyfriend, largely because of my diagnosis. When I needed him, he was there without question. All the issues we’d had in the past paled to how much we obviously cared for each other, and that remains true today.
I pushed through a lot of ups and down and pain to cross the finish line of my first marathon. Today, I still run. Though training for a second marathon has faltered twice due to pain, I still have it in the back of my mind as a goal.
I tried to manage my business, while attempting to lower stress (doctors orders, and so much easier said than done in the world of start-ups!). The business is now doing better than ever, but stress management remains a constant struggle.
And then there’s kids…
I always figured I’d be a mother someday. I was never in a rush about it, but down the line, raising a family was always something I imagined for myself. After my diagnosis of RA, I suddenly found myself in a new reality.
When you have a name for the pain you’ve been experiencing, it becomes unavoidably real. There was no more blaming running or snowboard injuries. I couldn’t blindly keep pushing myself. I had pain walking and writing, bone erosions that no amount of medication could erase, extreme fatigue that was even causing me to fall asleep at work, a whacked-out GI tract that led to weight loss and avoiding eating all together, and depression because I had no idea why any of the above were happening to me. With a diagnosis came the answer of why, but it also brought the necessity to slow everything down and focus on getting better.
The new reality also meant being placed on strong drugs to control my symptoms, including a chemotherapy drug that is used to induce abortions in ectopic pregnancies. This particular drug requires women to be off of it for an extended period of time before even attempting to get pregnant.
Suddenly, I was far less sure I would ever be a parent. Four years of focusing on my health, coming to terms with living with chronic disease, and finding a new normal has given me the space to seriously revisit the question of parenthood.
Huge questions still exist for me. These are questions that only those of us living with chronic illness and our partners can understand.
Will I be healthy enough to go through pregnancy? If I ween off my RA drugs, will I return to the level of pain I was at pre-diagnosis? Will I be able to stay off the drugs long enough to breastfeed? If I can successfully have one child, will I be able to have another? Will pregnancy make my symptoms worse or better? Will post-pregnancy change my disease trajectory? Will the drugs I’m on be as effective post pregnancy? Will my RA slow me down as a parent? Will I pass the genetic disposition for autoimmune diseases on to my kids?
To help me navigate the complexities of this big decision, I’m reading Arthritis, Pregnancy and the Path to Parenthood by Suzie Edward May.
I’ve only just started the book, but I already identify with Suzie so well. She was diagnosed at 27 before having kids. The book offers a lot of hope, but also non-sugar-coated truth. I’ll give a more complete review when I finish it.
In the meantime, can anyone weigh in on what factors you looked at when deciding to become a parent while living with a chronic disease?
When I first got on medication for RA, I took my methotrexate the day it was prescribed (at one of the most depressing and sober happy hours I’ve ever been to) and my Enbrel as soon as it was approved by insurance and shipped to me. I was so desperate for relief, I didn’t think about what day of the week would be most convenient to take 8 tiny pills that make me exhausted and slightly nauseous. Or which day would be best to remember to take my shot, meaning I needed to be by my refrigerator with privacy, alcohol swabs and an ice pack.
At any rate, I recently decided to maximize fun by cramming it into a weekly drug-fueled night of excitement on what is already the best night of the week: Monday. Just kidding.
Monday nights for me now consist of trying to get a kick-ass workout in after work – usually weights and hip-hop dancing. The endorphins boost my mood and working out makes me feel powerful. That helps combat the feelings of weakness that go along with being dependent on drugs, the confusion I sometimes feel when I swallow pills that I know are both a cure and poison, and the wimpiness I feel when I cringe giving myself a shot.
After that, I make myself dinner and settle in for a night of relaxing on the couch. This is only made slightly less relaxing by icing my leg while my shot warms up, then giving myself my injection of Enbrel. Dinner is only slightly less appetizing when the second course is 8 pills of methotrexate. I find that eating a lot before and a little after taking my pills helps with the nausea.
I also find that some good, distracting TV helps. 🙂
Anyway, that’s my drug day routine. What’s yours? What makes it more tolerable for you?
Also, for those of you that made it through my drug day rant, I have an Enbrel PSA: according to one of the Enbrel support nurses, the FDA has now approved Enbrel to be unrefrigerated (stored at room temperature) for up to 14 days. The only caveat is, once you take it out of refrigeration, it should remain out and must be used within 14 days. For anyone who’s tried traveling with Enbrel (especially on long overseas flights after FAA regulations no longer allow flight attendants to store passenger drugs in refrigerators), this is awesome news.
I was trying to find the post with my Enbrel travel story, but I either never typed it or it’s poorly tagged. I’ll tell it quickly here. When I was flying to Spain I had to take a three hour domestic flight, followed by a four-hour layover in Miami, an 8+ hour flight, a taxi ride, and not being let into our apartment for two extra hours. Needless to say, my ice pack thawed during my layover and my Enbrel travel case was soaked.
This meant tracking down plastic bags of ice in Miami. The best the flight attendants could do was give me a bucket of ice that turned into a cold, wet bucket of water that inevitably got all my carry-on items wet because it had to be stored under the seat but only fit beneath my feet. In all that travel time, the only place that allowed me to use their refrigerator to store my syringes of Enbrel was the cafe in Spain where we killed time. After that fun experience, this news is VERY WELCOME.
For those of you that follow my blog, I am very interested in advice…
As you know, I went to get a second opinion on my rheumatoid arthritis treatment because a family friend’s death illuminated the connection of methotrexate to interstitial lung disease.
Well, I went to a pretty renowned hospital and saw a very nice female (wow, rare!) rheumatologist who is not much older than I am. She was easy to talk to, smart, and, since she works in a research hospital, very up-to-date on the latest RAD research.
And get this, she wants me to try to go off methotrexate and see how I do with just Enbrel. Her reasoning was that a) I have valid concerns about MTX side effects, b) my last two liver tests came back high, and c) why not try it?
Granted, she hasn’t been my doc, so hasn’t seen me before my drug therapy or on bad days (it was a good day when I saw her). But she thought my treatment may be a bit unnecessarily aggressive.
If going off MTX didn’t go well, she talked about putting me on Azathioprine, which I know nothing about, but pulmonologists (lung docs) like better than MTX. Has anyone been on Azathioprine or have thoughts about it?
*It should be said that methotrexate causing interstitial lung disease is quite rare, and in many cases treatable. I am just a little sensitive about this because I had severe interstitial lung disease as a child. My lung doc says that I’m not necessarily at more risk than the average RA patient for developing ILD, but I’d like to play it safe.
But, of course, I’d also like my treatment to work.
I’m scared to death of getting off MTX when my current drug therapy seems to be working pretty well.
I also don’t want to be on MTX for the rest of my life…
My current doc brought me down to seven pills per week from 10 because of my liver, but I know he’d rather see me stay on the MTX.
I feel as though I have to decide on both which doc to go with (you can’t have two rheumatologists, apparently; they’ll just disagree on everything) and which treatment plan. And I feel like I have to decide by Sunday, which is methotrexate day for me.
Finally, how do you even break up with a doc who’s been kind, effective, and accessible? And should I? The new hospital offers more cutting edge care and is bigger, so my rheumy would be consulting with other rheumatologists and pulmonologists. I can also participate in research there. BUT, it’s further from my house and my new doc may be a little less accessible than my current one.
If anyone has advice on how to choose doctors, break up with doctors, or switch treatment plans, I would really love to hear it.
Angsty RAD blogwriter 😉
I went snowboarding on Saturday. Snowboarding is something that started hurting me years before my diagnosis – ankles, wrists, bottom of feet. If there was any early indication that something was wrong and I had RA, it was snowboarding.
Of course, I didn’t ever go see a doc because of the pain I had snowboarding. I switched to skiing instead.
So Saturday was my first time on the board in two seasons (except for one extraordinarily painful run last year). I’m hmappy to report, it went great!
I only had pain in my feet at the very end of the day, after about 12 runs.
I was elated about this. I felt so powerful and back to myself. I guess I have to give credit where credit’s due: perhaps the drugs are working their magic in ways I don’t appreciate in the day-to-day.
I felt so good, I was able to follow up Saturday with a pain-free day of powder skiing on Sunday.
Hell yeah. I’m appreciating my life today and all the help I’ve had to get me to this point.
One more thing: I have really bad circulation (Raynaud’s Phenomenon & Chillblain’s), so I get painfully cold toes. A skier on the gondola recommended trying SuperFeet insoles to keep my feet warmer. They make comfort insoles too for everyday walking. I haven’t bought them yet, but I think I’ll give them a try, both in my ski/snowboard boots and my everyday shoes.
A lot has happened since my last real post, so bear with this, cause it’s gonna be all over the map…
The Good – Marathon Training
Last weekend I ran my 20 miles!!! This was my peak goal for training before my marathon. I’m going to do one more long run (16-18 miles…hopefully 18) and one more longish run (12-14 miles) and then that’s it… Marathon time!
The run itself went pretty well. My training buddy came up and we ran all quadrants of my town – a serious whirlwind tour including bike paths, trails, roads, and pit stops at a grocery store and a rec center (did not do good things for our time).
Mile one was hard, but it usually is. My new-found asthma was flaring a bit, despite the inhaler I’d taken before. The asthma went away pretty quickly though. Then I got into a groove and miles 3-12 were breezy. Mile 13, not so hot. Miles 14-16, feelin’ grand. Miles 16-18, the wind started blowing and I was struggling a little. Miles 18-20…REALLY AWFUL (I didn’t want to tell you that, but it’s true). Suddenly, my body started hating me – knees, outer hips, numb toes, and, man-oh-man, the bottom of my feet ACHED.
Not a great note to end on, but at least I did. The marathon’s gonna be tough, but I’m confident I’ll cross the finish line.
On another note…
I had my three month check-up with my rheumatologist.
The Good – No New Damage
My new set of X-rays show no new damage! Hooray! Gotta hand it to all those scary drugs I’m on for keeping more bone erosion and permanent damage at bay!
The Not-So-Good (I know, I said bad in the title, but I don’t want to be that negative)
My general pain and inflammation level is not approving much lately. In fact, I think it’s worse than three months ago. Remember my left wrist? Well the thing doesn’t exactly look or behave normally still… About a month after the cortisone shots, the skin where the rheumatoid nodules had been became rough and colorful (red usually, but sometimes white or purple). One time, my mom even asked me, very concerned, whether I’d burnt myself.
Aside from seemingly scarring my skin, the shots worked pretty well for awhile. Over the last month, my wrist bone seems more and more swollen. Now it’s gotten to the point where I think it’s pressing on my nerve, sending a shooting nerve pain up the left side of my hand at really fun, inopportune moments.
Given the way my skin reacted to the shots, my doc doesn’t want to treat the swelling with another shot. In the end he recommended more methotrexate. That’s right – the drug that’s freaking me out right now because of its connection to interstitial lung disease? More of that.
He did talk to me about MTX and ILD. He assured me that he reviewed my chest X-rays and doesn’t believe that just because I had ILD in the past, I am more likely to get it again. He also said the chances of getting it are very low. It’s reassuring to me that he is aware of the risks and made the call anyway.
He also said he didn’t want to put me on methotrexate-alternative luflumonide because it causes birth defects (as does methotrexate), but takes even longer to leave your system than MTX. Given that I don’t want to give up on having kids someday yet, that reasoning sounded all right to me.
Either way, I’m still trying to get that second opinion. No appointment yet, but I sent the referral in and now I’m waiting to be approved.
The Bad (Sorry, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows…)
My doc says 10-15% of his patients are on a biologic alone and not taking it along with methotrexate. This number is really disappointingly low to me. As is the number of patients in remission who aren’t on drugs (to be honest, I didn’t even ask). I know I should be grateful that there are drugs that help as much as they do. I just don’t want to be on them for the rest of my life. This may sound negative, but I want you to know that I feel pretty good about the research being done on RA and the chances of better treatments and a cure in the (hopefully my) future.
Also disappointing is that rather than decelerating my meds because of my outstanding remission (I wished), I’m upping my methotrexate once again. I’m now up to 10 happy little yellow pills per week. This has made me majorly bummed, which brings me too…
The Ugly – The Weepies are not just a fantastically sad indie band
For whatever reason, my disappointment at being where I’m at a year post-diagnosis is manifesting itself in a major case of the weepies. Luckily, it’s mainly been reserved for my boyfriend, two close friends, acupuncturist, and therapist, but that’s too many people for this girl. The only thing left is to admit it to the blogosphere and hope that by sharing, I can cultivate some of that Kris Carr wisdom and move on with my life.
I know that things aren’t all bad. I’ve made major progress since being diagnosed. I rarely feel stiff in the morning (I think my pain scale may differ from non-RA’ers, but there was a time when mornings meant that non of my toes would bend for an hour…making walking comically difficult.), my energy and GI issues are generally much better, my feet are not nearly as swollen or painful. I’ve become a bit more of a bad-ass because now I can inject myself and know that I’m a hell of a lot more resilient than I knew before. I also am halfway to med school given all the research I’ve done… 😉
But there are these moments, like today when I struggled to zip my right boot up because my hand wasn’t cooperating, when I have trouble seeing the good. There’s like this echo chamber in my mind of negative thoughts that can drown out all logic if I let it.
I for one am not going to be celebrating the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis drowning in negative thoughts and grieving something as dumb as a zipper. I’ll be in Barcelona running a marathon and celebrating how far I’ve come. Thanks to all of you for cheering me on. Wish me luck. 🙂
I’ve been a bit concerned about the relationship between Interstitial Lung Disease and Methotrexate over the last couple weeks (yet trying not to worry, because worrying leads to flares which leads to more of a chance of RA complications…ha! FML!).
I will still talk to my primary rheumatologist about this on Tuesday, but in the meantime, I’ve decided to seek a second opinion. This wasn’t as easy a choice as it may sound. It felt like I was choosing to cheat on my rheumatologist and giving up on my treatment plan. As I told my friend, my relationship with my rheumatologist is something I want to be sensitive too – he might be in my life for many years to come!
I started by going to my allergist, who also happens to be a respected immunology expert. Up until 2008, I was seeing him once a year for checkups on my recovery from Interstitial Lung Disease. In many ways, he knows my medical history better than I do.
He told me that there is indeed a link between Methotrexate and ILD, and recommended I get a second opinion at a research hospital that specializes in lung disease. They also happen to have rheumatologists who specialize in both ILD and autoimmune diseases. Cool.
Turns out these docs are also in more demand than my current rheumy. I need a referral to even have a chance of seeing one. This left me with the choice of getting that referral from my rheumatologist or from my primary doctor (who I haven’t seen in years because I have another OB/GYN). I chose my primary doc so as not to shake the boat on my relationship with my rheumy. This choice, of course, requires yet another doctor’s appointment (yippee! – where is that sarcasm font when you need it?).
A couple other things of interest came up at my appointment as well.
My doctor said that, given my medical history, he doesn’t think it is likely that I have gluten or dairy allergies or sensitivities. He recommended just eating healthfully and focusing on eating for my marathon training.
I don’t think this means that I will run out and eat gluten again (I’ve already eased up a bit on the dairy), but maybe I’ll think about being more flexible. I also still believe that eating to lower inflammation in my body is a very positive thing I can do to help control my symptoms. My doc is very science-based (as he should be), so until a trustworthy study comes out showing how diet can ease/cure/whatever RA, I think he will be giving this advice.
I ate lunch with my family yesterday and mentioned this, as well as the idea that perhaps GMOs, pesticides and all the other industrial crap that’s made its way into our food supply was more responsible for the rise in gluten intolerance and autoimmune diseases than gluten itself. My brother-in-law and sister’s reaction made me feel like a social pariah. I plan on doing more research on this and posting it here, but I’m certainly not the first person to state this theory, so I don’t believe it’s totally off target… Does anyone have thoughts on this? Or good articles I can forward to my sister??
My doctor provided me with a list of websites that he likes to use for research because they are entirely science-based:
- FARE: Food Allergy Research and Education (www.foodallergy.org)
- American Academy of Allergy, Asthma and Immunology (www.aaaai.org)
- National Jewish Health (www.njhealth.org)
- National Library of Medicine (www.ncbi.nlm.gov/pubmed)
- FDA Medications Research (www.dailymed.nlm.nih.gov)
- Consortium for Food Allergy Research (www.cofargroup.org)
- The National Center for Complimentary and Alternative Medicine (http://nccam.nih.gov)
- The Food Allergy Initiative (http://foodallergyinitiative.org)
- Google Scholar (www.scholar.google.com)
- WebMD (www.webMD.com)
I hope this list helps everyone as you do your own research and become your own advocate for your health.
I’ve got something heavy weighing on my mind that I will talk to my doctor about when I go to see him this month, but that I’ll share here now. First, some background.
When I was a small, small child, I had severe Interstitial Lung Disease. ILD is a catch-all term for a systemic scarring of the lungs that leads to a decreased ability to take in oxygen. (I was the toddler with the puffed up cheeks from the combo of prednisone and oxygen, carting an oxygen tank behind me that was my height.)
They tried to find a reason for my ILD, testing me for everything, including AIDS, and even doing an exploratory lung biopsy. But they never did figure out what caused my ILD.
As inexplicably as ILD arrived in my life, a couple of years later, it left. I progressively regained most (at least 70%, and at times over 80%) of my lung function. I went in for annual checkups every year from as far back as I remember until about age 24, when they finally declared ILD a non-issue in my life. This is highly unusual. Many of the kids who were at National Jewish Hospital with me are no longer here, and my parents were told to prepare for my death when I was being treated and seemingly not getting results.
ILD has always hung over my life like this mysterious legend. Much of it happened before I was old enough to remember, but the annual check-ups, and the way it affected my parents and sister were impossible to avoid or forget.
So I was a little surprised to get back from Sundance to the news that my mom’s friend had died from ILD and that her husband believes it was caused from the chemotherapy she received years ago for breast cancer. Were ILD and chemo connected at all? I asked Google and found out that not only is ILD connected with chemo, it’s connected to low-dose chemo. As in the low-dose chemotherapy in the form of methotrexate that many of us RA patients use as a treatment.
The stats are pretty scary. In RA-land, it seems that ILD is so common it has its own name: Rheumatoid Lung or Methotrexate-Associated Lung Disease. About 40% of RA patients will have extra-articular disease involvement, as in RA will effect their lungs, cardiovascular system, blood, etc. About 18% of RA patients have lung involvement and, according to one article, ILD. For those living with ILD and RA, the survival mean is a low 3.2 years. (all these fun facts are from this article: https://www.hopkinsarthritis.org/physician-corner/rheumatology-rounds/round-16-rheumatoid-lung-disease/)
The article went on to say: There have been questions posed as to whether methotrexate can predispose to lung disease or whether patients with pre-existing lung disease who are put on methotrexate will develop lung disease thereafter. There’s no evidence for either of those. The fatality rate of patients with proven methotrexate-associated lung disease is around 17%, and re-challenging those patients is not usually recommended. It’s thought that re-challenging patients with methotrexate may somehow cause a stronger secondary response.
This is reassuring…is there a correlation or not?? There’s no evidence that methotrexate causes ILD (whether pre-disposed or not), yet there are patients with “proven methotrexate-associated lung disease”. Huh.
Here’s what another article had to say about it: ‘Methotrexate lung’ can occur when methotrexate is used to treat rheumatoid arthritis or cancer…Most chemotherapeutic agents can cause ‘chemotherapy lung’, acute ILD with the pathological features of DAD. Incidence is estimated at 10%, although it is difficult to obtain accurate estimates due to the complexities of diagnosis and the small patient numbers involved.
Here’s another study about the correlation between methotrexate and lung disease: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1005365/?page=1
Well, great. I feel like my rheumy could have at least mentioned this! Should I be worried since I have a history of ILD? Was it such a non-concern, my rheumy didn’t even bother to bring it up? Should I try to find something else instead of MTX, even though I seem to be getting results?
Does anyone have any experience with this or knowledge about the correlation between methotrexate and lung disease? All thoughts would be much appreciated!
GRIT: noun – firmness of character, determination or strength of character
I think some people are born with a natural abundance of grit. I think my grit, the will to persevere and the optimism to keep going is learned, practiced and fickle.
I’m still trying to figure out why sometimes I’m so strong and determined, and why other times I want to pull covers over my head and never leave my bed.
I think something about the beginning of October triggered the ostrich response in me. Suddenly I bounced from I can do anything to I don’t want to do anything anymore.
When I was diagnosed with my RAD new disease back in March, my doctor marked autumn as the time when I could possibly be in remission and we’d be looking at getting off the methotrexate, and later the Enbrel. My September doctor’s appointment was instead met with an increased dosage of methotrexate and the news that the MTX may not even be working yet. Doc’s new goal for remission: spring 2013.
That’s actually kind of good news because it means when it starts working, I’ll feel a lot better. But also, really?!?!
I left the doctor’s appointment feeling fine about it, but then October came and all optimism drained out of me. I was suddenly so, so, so done with MTX day and freaking injections. All things gluten appeared appetizing, dairy seemed impossible to avoid, my vitamins made me nauseous, and I felt like if I even had to look at fish oil again, I’d vomit.
What’s the point? What if it doesn’t go into remission? Am I really going to do all of this forever? I don’t want to have this life. I didn’t ask for this. F#@! RAD and all the stupid S**! that goes with it.
I stopped taking the vitamins and I laxed up on the fish oil. I cheated on my diet. But I kept going on the drugs.
My negativity quickly started to annoy the hell out of me. So there I was, standing over my morning folic acid and fish oil supplements, a wave of nausea overwhelming me, and I snapped. Out of it that is.
My grit was back.
What’s the point? The point couldn’t be more obvious or important – it’s my health. Is it worth trading because I’m a wuss about injections, I hate swallowing pills, and the smell of fish oil is gross? Obviously not.
So I’m staying the course. I’m back on track. (Although I am being a bit more relaxed about supplements for my sanity’s sake.)
I’m thinking March is gonna be a great month for me. I’ll be running my first marathon and hopefully I’ll officially be declared in remission and will be breaking up with methotrexate. Maybe Enbrel and I will even get to say goodbye. Here’s hoping.
In the meantime, I’m happy to report that I think the higher dose of methotrexate is starting to work. My compromised immune system and the changing season has led to a cold, but otherwise I feel great. No joint pain, no feet pain, less fatigue, less trouble sleeping. I even went on a 12 mile run a couple weekends ago.
Now I just have to figure out how to keep my grit from disappearing on me again.
I finally met someone who also has RA. She’s the new pharmacist at my pharmacy. She asked me how I like my methotrexate. I didn’t really know how to answer. “Like” seems like a strong, simple word when talking about any drug with side effects. I would like it more if it was obviously doing its job, but I think most my progress is from the Enbrel.
She told me how she’d had a terrible time on MTX. She had done monthly injections (infusions?) and had many of the side effects that are associated with chemo, including losing her hair. She’s now been switched to two other drugs and taken off the MTX and prednisone.
As nice as it was to meet someone with RA, the encounter left me a bit shaken. Her wrists and hands definitely show the signs of RA. And she hasn’t found a drug regimen that works for her yet, meaning it’s still getting worse.
It’s so important to remember that you are on your own journey. Her experience isn’t mine and doesn’t have to be. It’s so easy to get caught up in the horror stories. To see the disease path as inevitable. But it’s not. It’s really and truly not. If you’ve just been diagnosed, know that there are more drug options, more knowledge on the disease and more medical breakthroughs and research happening than ever before. We have a ways to go until we understand RA or have a cure, but it’s an exciting time in medicine.
Seriously, before you read another blog post or go to another support group, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you ARE a beautiful and unique snowflake (or at least your RA is ;).)
I wish I had had enough foresight to take before and after photos, but unfortunately I didn’t. After two cortisol shots, my left wrist is almost back to normal!
A bit of history: I hadn’t verbalized it, but pre-diagnosis I noticed that there was something odd about the bone of my left wrist – there seemed to be two little boney wrist bumps where there really should have only been one. I didn’t really spend too much time thinking about it. Just a little, huh, that’s funny. Fast forward to my first rheumatologist visit: my doc – “How long have these rheumatoid nodules been here?” me – “Say what?”
Of course, him pointing them out and giving them a scary name only brought them to the forefront of my mind. As I began treatment, they didn’t seem to be going down. Then, several months ago, they seemed, in my mind anyway, to be getting worse. Where there were once two smallish bumps, there were now three merging into one massive, swollen, misshapen wrist.
Whenever I caught a glance of it, my mind immediately leapt to the gloom and doom thinking of, oh my god, the disease is getting worse, treatment’s not working. Then there was a little voice in my head telling me I was embellishing both the severity of the physical deformity and what it meant to my disease prognosis. Both voices were making me a bit crazy.
Needless to say, I started wearing some big bracelets. Out of sight, out of mind, right?
Well, not exactly. My next rheumatologist appointment rolled around and I asked if he thought my left wrist was getting worse in an off-handed way. He didn’t say yes, but he just said, “I’ll shoot medication directly into it, that should work better.” Right. In my doc speak, that means yes.
Before I knew it, he was spraying cold numbing spray on my wrist and poking two massive needles of cortisol into either side. Truly, it didn’t hurt much. If you ever have to do this, it’s really nothing to be afraid of. It was more psychologically painful than anything (that’s right, I’m still not used to needles). The spray feels a bit uncomfortable and my wrist stayed kind of numb for awhile after.
Other bad news (at least I take it this way), my doc and I decided to raise my dose to eight Methotrexate pills per week (up from six) along with weekly injections of Enbrel. It’s hard not to be discouraged, because when I first saw my doctor, he threw out early fall as the time we may be able to have my RA in remission and take me off some drugs. The new time is March 2013. Just in time for my marathon for those of you who are faithful readers.
I’m trying to replace discouragement and disappointment of my progress with optimism. And hey, if I’m going to be on this crazy toxic drug, I might as well be taking enough for it to be effective.
I guess I was a bit shaken after my appointment (I need to stop going to these things alone), because I got into an accident with a parked car while parking at my apartment. I was trying to not use my left wrist, which wasn’t something my doctor told me to do but between the shots and the numbing spray, it felt weird to use it. My car is hurting worse than the other guy’s. For those of you who think you might be getting this procedure, bring a friend to drive you home.
The good news of all this is that my wrist is back to the size and shape of a normal person! No more big bracelets (unless I wanna wear them – they are pretty). No more constant reminder of my disease! Yippee!