I’m not exactly sure what my final straw was. My right foot – my “sports injury” – had flared up again. I’d spent an extremely frustrating ski weekend in extreme pain, hobbling up and down stairs, my feet so stiff they wouldn’t walk properly. I even told my family, “I feel like I have arthritis. Why am I such a gimp right now?” The response of course was, “You don’t have arthritis. You’re too young to have arthritis.”
So I popped some Advil, stuffed my angry feet into ski boots and carried on. But after that weekend I finally made the call, I booked an appointment with an podiatrist, sure she would find a stress fracture.
She remarked at my swollen feet and asked me which one hurt. “The right one,” I said. “Well, actually both.” I knew it was odd, but I explained to her my theory of how I must run funny and would hurt one foot and then over compensate with the other, causing both to be swollen and painful.
So the doctor took an X-Ray of my right foot. I sighed in relief as I waited for the results. Maybe she would tell me to stop working out and I’d be in a boot for a month, but at least I would finally be healed. Then I could get on with my life and stop dealing with this stupid pain.
Disappointed is the word I would have to use to describe my emotions when my doctor told me, “Good news! You don’t have a stress fracture!”
I was really hoping for an injury. One I could stick a cast on and heal and get better.
My disappointment turned into confusion when she proceeded to show me the X-Ray of my stress fracture-free foot. An X-Ray that showed that bone in my little toe had eroded. She explained, as lightheartedly as possible, that this could be a sign of lupus or Rheumatoid Arthritis and that I should get blood work done and make a follow-up appointment with a rheumatologist.
Excuse me? Did she not hear me? I was just there for a sports injury. Something I did running. Was this really necessary?
But more than denial, I honestly have to say I was scared. I was scared because deep down I knew that something wasn’t right, I just wasn’t sure what was wrong.
I went to a work networking event that night and told my partner and friend about the trip to the doctor. I heard my voice shake a little as I told him what they were running lab tests for. That’s when I understood how afraid I was. That’s when it felt real. My eyes welled up, and he gave me a hug, you’ll be fine. I nodded, while internally making a list of all the things I would have to Google when I got home.